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15 Jan 2011

ONE FROM THE ARCHIVES: FINNTROLL


Published in Terrorizer (online issue), from March 25th 2009
Original link:  http://www.terrorizer.com/content/one-archives-finntrol


EXCITED ABOUT OUR BRAND NEW SPANKING WEBSITE WE'VE DELVED DEEP IN THE ARCHIVES TO BRING YOU SOME OF OUR FAVOURITE INTERVIEWS OF THE PAST YEAR, SAVED FOR POSTERITY, ON THIS OUR SNAZZY NEW BLOG.

BARBARIAN WRATH: FINNTROLL - TERRORIZER ONLINE #18

It's cold, it's raining, the Terrorizer team are suffering from a post-deadline hangover after putting to bed an extremely winterized (say that word in your best Abbath impression for desired result) issue so what better to life our spirits than forcing the bearded wonder Paul Schwarz to re-live some of his backstage encounters at this summer's Bloodstock Open Air Festival. Already getting excited about the killer line up Bloodstock are planning for 2008 (Opeth, Moonsorrow, Swallow The Sun) this is just what we need to forget about the descent into below-zero temperatures and look forward to the glory days of summer once again. Terrorizer cornered humppa metal godfathers Finntroll backstage following a signing session, which included the autographing of bums and breasts. Guitarist Skrymer, vocalist Vreth and bassist Tundra decided that yes, they were drunk enough to do an impromptu Barbarian Wrath. Fed fresh-slaughtered random topics over a n ale or five by Schwarz and Tom Cleghorn, the trio explain the versatility of hammers in Finnish domestic life and offer their thoughts on that vital question that gnaws at us all - do pirates go to hell?


PIRATES

Tundra (bass): “Arrr!”
Skrymer (guitars): “Are there pirates in Hell?”
Tundra: “There must be parrots, at least.”
Skrymer: “No, not parrots. Pirates.”
Tundra: “But parrots are connected.”
Skrymer: “Yeah, they're connected to pirates.”
Vreth (vocals): “But what would they do in Hell?”
Aren't Vikings basically pirates - a better class of pirate, perhaps?
Skrymer: “No, they were just bloody peasants.”

HAMMERS


Vreth: “Good to beat your wife with.”
Skrymer: “Yeah. No breakfast? Hammers.”
Vreth: “Dinner half an hour late? Hammers.”
Skrymer: “'What do you mean I have to take that in my mouth?' Hammers.”
Tundra: “Rubbish sex? Hammers!” (thrusts a fist in the air as all three chuckle, unconcerned about whether the ironic deadpan of their delivery will carry over into the printed word...)

MUSHROOMS

Skrymer: “Pink colours. Long hands. Obscure fingers.”
Vreth: “Really good on things, psilocybin.”
Skrymer: “Yeah. Asphalt will turn to liquid.”
Vreth: “I was talking about them as food here!”
Skrymer: “So am I!”
Tundra: “I went and got some last night, actually.”
Skrymer: “You found mushrooms? Did you stuff your belly? We might be able to grow some mushrooms from what comes out.”
Vreth: “German toilets and ditches, those are good places to find mushrooms.”

COVER VERSIONS


Vreth: “You make your own, really different ones. That makes it okay.”
Tundra: “Pour a bit of blues on it, and it's going to be blue.”
Vreth: “Yeah...”
Skrymer: “Bluegrass, the music... Long from the back and short from the sides and short from the top. Redneck! Sorry...”
So you wouldn't do a Grateful Dead cover?
Skrymer: “We wouldn't?”
Well, would you?
Skrymer: “Why not?”
No reason. What would you do?
Skrymer: “'Friend Of The Devil Is A Friend Of Mine'. It's an obvious choice. We had a brilliant idea for a Carcass cover, with lots of horns. It would go like, 'Deet, do de do dee, do de do dee, do de do...'”
'Incarnated Solvent Abuse?'
Skrymer: “Yeah. But the medical names are way too long and really hard to remember. That's why we haven't done it.”

SLEEP

Skrymer: “I need rest...”
Tundra: “Too much sleep.”
Skrymer: “Oh please...”
Vreth: “We're not getting enough.”
Skrymer: “The two of us haven't really slept in two days.”
Vreth: “Yeah. I didn't get any sleep last night.”
Skrymer: “I slept on the floor of the taxi for like, thirty minutes.”
Vreth: “Sleep is overrated, it seems.”
Tundra: “But I find it hard to avoid sleep!”
Vreth: “Then don't eat the mushrooms!”